Have you ever had one of those times in your life where it felt like everything that you knew had been flipped upside down? Like everyone and everything you knew, or thought you knew, was just a lie. Or maybe it was just the times when the lies you had been telling yourself seemed to break apart.

You know, lies like I have a great marriage, even though it seems like we’re living more like roommates than husband and wife. I have a great job, even though I’m stressed beyond belief. My husband adores me, even though it’s been months since we’ve had sex.

My therapist calls them pivotal moments. Moments that change your life, bringing into question everything that you thought you knew.

Mine happened on April twelfth at exactly 10:34 p.m.

My husband, the man I truly love, the man I thought loved me, was taking a shower. I could hear him humming softly as he washed.

As I entered the bathroom, the warm, steamy air filled my nostrils. The scent of sandalwood from his body wash greeted me. A smile curled the corner of my mouth slightly as I remembered the days we would shower together. The memories had me debating whether I wanted to join him.
However, those were old memories. More recent memories were not as kind. He rebuffs my advances. He no longer makes cute sexual innuendos. Long, lingering kisses have been replaced by a peck, often on the cheek. 

I didn’t feel like that kind of rejection again.  So, instead, I averted my gaze, focusing my attention on my toothbrush rather than the image of my husband’s naked body. 

Watching myself in the mirror, brushing my teeth, making funny faces, noticing the bags under my eyes, and looking at the gray hairs that seemed to be multiplying, I could see why he didn’t find me desirable. 

Buzz buzz.

The sound of his cell phone vibrating from underneath the towel on the counter. 

When I picked up the towel, I saw just a glimpse of the message that came across.

I love you too, sweetheart. I’ll talk to you in the morning.

I stopped mid-stroke of my toothbrush. My mouth filled with spit and toothpaste. I stood there for what seemed an eternity, just staring at the message until it faded behind the lock screen. A photo of the two of us on our vacation in Hawaii appeared.

That couldn’t be right, I thought. It must have been an error. Someone else accidentally texted his number. There was no way the man I loved was cheating.

I needed to see the rest of the message. I had to see for sure what was going on. As I grabbed the cell phone, the towel that had been covering it dropped into the toilet.

“Damnit,” I muttered.

“Babe?” he called from the shower, his eyes closed tight against the suds covering his head and face.

“Jus brushin my teef.”

Snatching the wet towel out of the toilet, I dropped it on the floor. Cell phone in hand, I left the bathroom.

Out in the kitchen, I attempted to enter the password I had always known for his phone, 112233, but it didn’t unlock. Had he changed his password? I tried it again with the same result. 

He had changed his password. 

Guilt flashed in my mind only momentarily before jealousy and anger took over.